Brides frequently come to us for advice on preparing vows that they want to recite at their wedding. We urge them to make sure that they have consulted with their officiant about what is allowed and what is not before they begin to create a unique ceremony. What we do offer is this advice: Really think about what it is you want to say to each other in front of witnesses about your new life together. Too many couples get so caught up in the other details of the wedding celebration that vows become an after thought.

Other Suggestions:  You may be planning to marry in a traditional religious or ethnic ceremony in which there is little room for individual vows. If that is the case, take the time to really read the details of the ceremony in which you will participate so that you truly understand the ritual that will unite you as husband and wife. If the vows you recite are traditional as well, be sure that you are totally familiar with them so thaton the day you recite them for real, you are saying familiar words. If you have some room for individual vows, spend some time thinking about what you want to say to each other, what your views of the spiritual aspects of your wedding are and what suggestions may come from the person you have chosen as your officiant, and what you might want to say to your guests. For suggestions, go online to a variety of resources. You can Google Wedding Vows for a list of suggestions,or try www.foreverwed.com/ceremony . There are good ideas in some books as well. Try Bartlett’sWords for the Wedding, or The Everything WeddingVows Book. If you are determined to write your own, bounce ideas off friends, relatives and the officiant. Keep it positive. There is no need to relate all the difficulties you may have encountered before you made it to the altar. But do recount places you’ve been, things you’ve done as a couple that have special meaning for you. Keep the words your own. Vows should be meaningful, but don’t pick words or phrases that“sound good” if they don’t sound like you. Remember that your vows may well be the most meaningful words you will ever say. Give them the proper thought and preparation they deserve.Happy planning until the next tip….Kay